Humor - Why Beer Is Good For You

I'd never heard this explained so well prior to Cliff Claven's version.

"Well you see, Norm, it’s like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Have a great day and thanks for stopping by Almost Heaven South.

Larry

Saturday Humor - Three Contractors Bid On The White House Fence.

This would be hilarious if it wasn't so likely to be reality.

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.

One is from Chicago, another is from Kentucky, and the third is from New Orleans.

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The New Orleans contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.

"Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $9,000. That's $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me."

The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $7,000.  That's $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me."

The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$27,000."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?

"The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Kentucky to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the Government works.

Have a great day and thanks for stopping by Almost Heaven South.

Larry

Leftovers Breakfast - Garage - A Senior Moment

BREAKFAST
Perhaps the best part of our Wine Club party food was a bunch of the practice biscuits still in the freezer and gravy left over from the party to which we added a couple of scrambled eggs, and picked-that-morning tomatoes with cottage cheese.  I'm pretty sure tomato and cottage cheese did not originate locally, but it still seemed like a delicious southern breakfast to me.

GARAGE
I've been on somewhat of a mission to clean up this dump and get rid of stuff we don't need.  Usually that means starting in the most downstream location and working backwards so I began in the upstairs garage.  I'm not sure if I'll get the house done in my lifetime, but for the first time in a few years, both cars are in the garage.  The garage is still a work in progress.

SENIOR MOMENT
I hate to tell this on myself but it was just too funny to pass up.  I got up at my normal time and busied myself doing the normal morning activities eventually in anticipation of the noon broadcast of the UT-Florida football game.  Finally the appointed time rolled around, I went over to the SEC Network and found a show about coaches wives to be on, so I assumed the guide/programming was not updating as Bev had mentioned the other day or the game was on the alternate channel.  

When it wasn't either place or any of the local channels, I decided an urgent call to Direct TV was in order.  After a few minute wait, I explained my problem to the nice young lady who answered and she said the game was supposed to be on the regular SEC Network channel but the guide was showing a different show - to which I said "that is the problem I'm having."  After a little more conversation, she said she would put me on hold and see what she could find out.  She came back shortly to assure me the game would be on the normal SEC channel on Saturday to which I replied err, ugh, I thought it was Saturday.

In spite of driving Madison to school just 4 hours earlier and watching the normal weekday shows on TV, at some point during the morning my brain decided it was Saturday.  After my profuse apologies for wasting her time she said not to worry as she thought it was Thursday.  I guess it could have been worse, at least I knew it was October.

Photos can be enlarged by clicking on them.

Have a great day and thanks for stopping by Almost Heaven South.

Larry

9/30/14 meal date

Sunday Humor - USRSF

I saw this on Facebook and being from both WV and TN, so after a chuckle, just had to post it here.

Have a great day and thanks for stopping by Almost Heaven South.

Larry

Saturday Humor - Three Seniors

Betsy Adams from Joyful Reflections posted this on Facebook and I thought it was too good to pass up.  Thanks for the good chuckle Betsy - Bev and I are this bad.

Thanks for stopping by.

Larry

Humor

I usually avoid, politics, religion and controversial issues on here, but regardless of your political affiliation or views on immigration, it’s hard to read this and not get a chuckle out of it.

“Arizona Governor Jan Brewer vs. the Phoenix Suns owner,

The owner of the Phoenix Suns basketball team, Robert Sarver, came out strongly opposing AZ's new immigration laws.  Arizona's Governor, Jan Brewer, released the following statement in response to Sarver's criticism of the new law:

What if the owners of the Suns discovered that hordes of people were sneaking into games without paying? What if they had a good idea who the gate-crashers are, but the ushers and security personnel were not allowed to ask these folks to produce their ticket stubs, thus non-paying attendees couldn't be ejected. Furthermore, what if Suns' ownership was expected to provide those who sneaked in with complimentary eats and drink? And what if, on those days when a gate-crasher became ill or injured, the Suns had to provide free medical care and shelter?"

Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer”

Have a great day and thanks for stopping by Almost Heaven South.

Larry